2015 Lollapalooza: Best and Worst

Twenty percent of my body is covered in mosquito bite scars; seventy percent of my skin is unusually tan; and it's one hundred percent Lollapalooza's fault. As always, there were a lot of great moments that marked the last Lolla of my 20's. Next year I'll be 30 and even more spiteful toward the crop-top-wearing teenagers who represent everything wrong with music fans today. Every spring when it's time to buy Lolla tickets I think to myself, "Is this really worth it?" I hesitate for a moment and then realize, yes, it's completely worth it. I've gotten to see so many bands and artists that I love over the past six years. Here are the best and worst moments from this year's Lollapalooza...

The Lolla Crew + The Beard = Three Days of Magic. Also I think there is a correlation between how cool Annika's hair is to how large my glasses get.

Best Stage: Pepsi

We referred to this stage all weekend as The Grove (last year's name). A couple years ago this stage was called Google+. Next year I'm sure we'll be heading to the iHeartRadio stage so Lollapalooza can keep up the trend of blending irrelevant marketing with up-and-coming artists. The only horrible band we saw at Pepsi The Grove this year was Lion Babe, but I think that's mostly our fault for giving a "band" named Lion Babe a try. I really enjoyed seeing Zella Day and FKA Twigs here this year.

If you mix Pennsatucky from Orange is The New Black with Lykke Li you would get Zella Day.

Lion Babe was all-hair and no-talent.

Best Day: Friday

When the Porta Potties still have toilet paper and Paul McCartney closes you know it's going to be the best day. Other highlights were Father John Misty, Alabama Shakes, and Gary Clark Jr.

Finally got to see Alabama Shakes and they were amazing. We got rained out of their 2012 performance.

Best Throwback: Metallic

I refuse to call McCartney a throwback because in my heart The Beatles never left. Bryan had been listening to Metallic months in preparation for their Saturday set. In turn, I prepared my most metal faces. For not knowing 99 percent of their music, I had a really fun time. The jumbo screens looked awesome and gave us a great view not only of the band but the sign language interpreter, who was signing so intensely I forgot that Metallic was even playing.

The screens were awesome!

I'm so intimated by us.

Best Closer: Paul McCartney

I've read a few different lists of "Things You'll Regret When You're Old" and they almost always include "missing the chance to see your favorite musicians." I consider myself extremely lucky to have seen nearly every musician that I love play a live show. That's the thought that was running through my head as Paul McCartney walked on stage. I remember listening to Beatles songs as a kid in my Dad's car as he drove me to school. In college I have the best memories listening to The Beatles as I drove back and forth between Peoria and my Washington apartment. While seeing McCartney isn't exactly the same thing as seeing The Beatles I realize that it's as close as I'll ever get, and it was pretty darn amazing.

I was probably already tearing up at this point.

Surprise guest, Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes joins Paul on stage!!

What makes a Wing's song better? Fireworks. The answer is always, fireworks.

Best Food: Cheese fries

I was super disappointed by the food and drink this year. Once again, no mustard catfish. The Farmer's Market was pathetic with no River Valley Kitchen (goodbye, mushroom nachos). Robert Mondavi was the wine sponsor and offered no free swag at the wine tent. Our relaxing oasis from last year turned into a corporate snooze. The lobster corndog was as good as it's always been, but this was the year of the cheese fry.

Our smiles say, "This isn't Thorny Rose's riesling."

Worst Stage: Sprint
You know that part in Harry Potter 4 when the Weasley twins are trying to put their name into the Goblet of Fire, but they get kicked out from Dumbledore's aging line? That's what it's like going anywhere near Perry's. Every time we walked past I could feel a long white beard start to grow out my chin as I hunched over my walker, the tennis ball feet catching on crushed Bud Light cans. Perry's is the true Kidzapalooza. The worst part of Perry's? It ruins the Sprint stage. It's almost impossible to ignore the constant bass from Perry's while you're trying to hear anything at Sprint.

There's the Sprint stage over there in the corner. Where it belongs.

Worst Day: Sunday
Is Sunday always the worst day? Is that like a kid at summer camp complaining that the last day is the worst because you have to go home tomorrow? I'm not sure. I've never been to summer camp, but I did religiously watch Salute Your Shorts as a kid so I'm pretty sure I got the gist. And going back to work? Totally worse than going back home. Just saying, eight-year-old Allison. I'm getting off topic. Here's why Sunday was the worst day this year - the evacuation and the pain of re-entering the festival. A few years ago we were evacuated from the festival because of storms. We made our way to Steve's Segway Tour and sat in a garage infested with Forbidden-Forest-sized spiders. This year we had wine and cheese flights at Eno Wine Bar. With age, comes wisdom.

Cheese makes everything better. Air conditioned bathrooms do too.

Worst Act: Holychild
How can I explain the mermaid/cheerleader stripper that was Holychild? Is it our fault for going to see someone who is trying to make 'Brat Pop' a thing? Probably. We sat. We watched. And then I started laughing uncontrollably. We got up to leave after awhile as the mermaid started another song. I looked back, horrified, as I realized that she was trying to sing a No Doubt song. When Gwen Stefani recalls her saddest moment of 2015 it won't be ending her 13-year-long marriage with Gavin Rossdale, but having Holychild sing 'Just a Girl.'

Audience looks on, stunned at what they see. "That was one UNholychild!" exclaims one festival-goer, disbelief in his eyes. 

Funniest Quotes:
Literally everything Father John Misty said during his set made me laugh. My favorite was, "I'm depressed. . . then I look out and see the Bud Light sign, and I realize the show must go on. Sorry, you're all on ecstasy anyway, what does it matter?"

Other great quotes, ""You guys ready for a f*cking ballad? That's what gets you the 2:30 PM slot. The f*ckin ballads."

Paul McCartney on the sound bleed from Perry's: "It's a crazy mashup. This song and whatever shit they're playing over there."

The sea of people at McCartney's show.

Elle King while trying to tune: "This shit's going to be out of tune for the entire show, but we're just going to roll with it."

Not only was Elle King funny, but there was a guy who was shame-eating an entire pizza like it was a slice of pizza. I gave him a 'I've-been-there-man' nod before looking away.

The most ridiculous quote all weekend? That would be from my husband. "I want to buy another hat so I can have one beater hat and one nice one." This is the hat that he's apparently going to be wearing ALL the time now. 

Note: He did not purchase another hat. Since the festival he's worn the hat 0 times and I've brought up this story 17,000 times.

Six Months of Married Life

We got married six months ago in Chicago. It was freezing cold. I was wearing a coat and gloves. This past weekend we celebrated our half-a-versary. It was ungodly hot. I was wearing humidity and sweat. We weathered the weather (also the name of our unauthorized biography) and had a great weekend celebrating our first six months together. There's some beautiful metaphor in there about marriage being a series of ups and downs and having to push through it all and make the most of everything, but honestly it just keeps streaming in my head as Hot N Cold lyrics. This is the best reason to be married. Because when you say crazy things like how your relationship is like a Katy Perry song the other person can't just walk away without doing a lot of paperwork.

We kicked off our half-a-versary weekend at Pitchfork Music Festival. The last time we ventured out to Union Park was in 2011 to see Neko Case. This year we were excited to see Jessica Pratt, CHVRCHES, The New Pornographers, Sleater-Kinney, and Courtney Barnett. And of course we were excited to people-watch the Converse Nation of teenagers and 20-something's sporting high waisted shorts and rompers in every color imaginable. Every festival season I always forget about just how many blind parents there are in Chicago and feel grateful that elevator companies still use Braille on the buttons.

Friday:
After being offered "ICE COLD WATER" for $1 about a million times we made our way into Union Park. I got my beloved veggie corn dog from the Chicago Diner and we walked over to the Blue Stage to see Jessica Pratt. What we could hear of Pratt's set was really good, but we left after a few songs. Unfortunately, the Blue Stage is arguably the worst stage at Pitchfork, especially with the bass from iLoveMakonnen's Green Stage set. I can't imagine how loud he is on a Tuesday.

Jessica Pratt on the Blue Stage 

The key to a happy marriage is love and support. Also have your husband grow a beard. It helps.

Two more artists, a walk through the different vendors selling posters, and another corn dog later we were all set to see CHVRCHES. We stuck around to see Wilco for a few songs, but (please don't hate me) I'm not a huge fan so we left early to miss the crowds.

CHVRCHES on the Red Stage

Saturday:
What's the best thing to do when it's 85 degrees with 80% humidity? Walk a mile and a half to go run an 8k! Guys, it's not a real race unless you're already sweating and out of breath when you walk to the start line. I honestly don't know how I finished this race. Actually, I do know. I literally sent Bryan a text that said, "Help me" after I passed mile 4 and he ran out to meet me with water (he had finished running days before me). Ask him to do an impression of the expression on my face when he found me. It's somewhere in between zombie and drug addict.

Please notice how there is no sweat on Bryan's face and I look like I was shoved into a pool.

After showering and a much needed breakfast at George's, we made our way back to Union Park for Day Two of Pitchfork. We got there and it started raining. No problem. We're experienced festival-goers. Bryan handed me a poncho and umbrella, put our cell phones in a plastic Ziplock, and placed our backpack in a garbage bag to protect it from the rain. No muss, no fuss. We started listening to Ex Hex on the Red Stage for about 20 minutes and then were forced to evacuate the park with the rest of the festival due to weather/lightening concerns. After making it back home, the weather cleared up, and the festival opened again. By that time we were so tired we decided to take advantage of the live stream and watched the New Pornographers (sadly with no Neko Case), Future Islands' hilarious performance (please cancel our friendship if you actually like this band), and Sleater-Kinney.

Taking advantage of the speaker rig and the air conditioning.

Sunday:

After complaining about how much our legs hurt and laying around the apartment like champions, we made our way back to Union Park for the third and final day of Pitchfork. Our only goal was to see Courtney Barnett play.

Mission accomplished.

Sweating through six months of marriage like a boss. You can also file this picture under Homeless Guy Towel.

Things to Do In Asheville

Since the beginning of the year I have traveled to seven states in five months. Three of the seven are states I've never been to before - New Mexico, North Carolina, and South Carolina. My goal is to visit all 50 states before I'm 50. I've defined visiting as at least spending one night, not just driving through or having a connecting flight. So far Bryan and I have been to 20 states together and I've been to an additional 11. 

Earlier this month we crossed North Carolina off the list with a visit to Asheville, NC. I've heard so many wonderful things about this area so when I found out that I had to travel to Charlotte for work, a mini-trip to Asheville was a must. And double bonus - my 29th birthday and Independent Bookstore Day both fell right in the middle of it all! Special thanks to my friend Beth (here's what a real blog looks like) who armed me with a TON of suggestions of places to go! 

1. Take advantage of Airbnb or any of the inns/B&B's in the Montford Historical District

After making the beautiful two hour drive from Charlotte to Asheville we arrived at the Airbnb we rented which was located in the Montford Historical District. It reminded me of a house that would have been in Stars Hollow. It was a little bit of a hike to downtown Asheville, but completely beautiful.

At night the porch had a pretty string of lights that outlined everything.

2. Enjoy the tapas at Cúrate

Our first of many meals was at Cúrate downtown. We tried a variety of different things, but the most interesting thing we had was dessert. Fried eggplant drizzled in wild mountain honey with rosemary ice cream. Differently delicious. I don't think I have any pictures of the food because it was too dark. And also because I eat faster than I take pictures.

I think this was at 9:30pm - the place was packed!

3. Biscuits for President!

If April was the month of the burrito, May is definitely the month of the biscuit. I had quite a few of these delicious baked goods while in North Carolina. If biscuits were running in 2016 I would totally vote for them. Unless they were running against burritos, but really if that was the case what does it even matter? The world would be a more delicious place. It would literally be the only win-win in political history. I mean, I'm guessing...I slept through a lot of history class.

West End Bakery & Cafe - Veggie sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit

There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but there are free biscuits at the Tupelo Honey Cafe.

4. Indulge your sweet tooth.

If it's not obvious, I gained 700 pounds on this trip. To be fair, we did a ton of walking. To be honest, it was mainly walking to get more dessert.

Double D's Coffee & Desserts - a double decker bus that serves coffee and desserts (in case you couldn't figure that out)

I'm pretty sure everyone who works in Asheville is in their early 20's. Or homeless. Or both.

Not embarrassed to admit that this is the only reason we took out cash for this trip.

I only made three references to the Knight Bus from Harry Potter, I swear.

It was a million degrees on the bus, so we enjoyed our coffee drinks in the little garden next to the bus.

Time it took to finish the drink: 10 minutes. Time it took me to stop talking with a lisp because my tongue was frozen: about an hour.

In my head I know this place is called French Broad Chocolate Lounge, but I keep referring to this place as French Bread Chocolate.

See what I mean? Everyone is so young here. I've become very observant in my old age.

Bryan was amazed at the salted caramel liquid truffle.

5. Sit at the bar at Wicked Weed Brewery

I swear this is the last food related item on the list. Wicked Weed was the number one place people recommended to us when we said we were visiting Asheville. Bryan enjoyed his beer and I enjoyed the atmosphere and their wasabi and ginger popcorn.

6. Marry someone strong so they can carry all your books. Not that you're not strong enough to hold your own books, but then you'll have two arms to pick out more books instead of one. 

Let me just start off number six by saying that Bryan had already gotten me an amazing birthday present before we left for Asheville. He knew I was obsessed with the Penguin Drop Caps Series and decided to, you know, buy them all for me No big deal.

Best. Husband. Ever.

So you would think after all 26 books I wouldn't need to buy more books, but that's where you're very wrong. I'm sure Bryan thought that this amazing gesture would mean that he wouldn't have to lug my books around Asheville because I wouldn't be getting any books in Asheville.

Disillusioned.

Battery Park Book Exchange at Grove Park Arcade - how could you not go into a bookstore with a giant moose head?

It was a maze of books!

Malaprop's Bookstore 

Such a fun way to spend Independent Book Store Day. And I got a free tote bag!

7. Don't puke in the rental car.

There's a definitely a theme with the trips we've taken in 2015. Eat a lot, drink a lot, buy a lot of books (that Bryan will carry), and then go on a long drive and see some nature. The only difference with this trip is the road we took, Blue Ridge Parkway, is extremely windy and I get motion sick very easily. However, I will say the views at each overlook are beautiful.