Twenty percent of my body is covered in mosquito bite scars; seventy percent of my skin is unusually tan; and it's one hundred percent Lollapalooza's fault. As always, there were a lot of great moments that marked the last Lolla of my 20's. Next year I'll be 30 and even more spiteful toward the crop-top-wearing teenagers who represent everything wrong with music fans today. Every spring when it's time to buy Lolla tickets I think to myself, "Is this really worth it?" I hesitate for a moment and then realize, yes, it's completely worth it. I've gotten to see so many bands and artists that I love over the past six years. Here are the best and worst moments from this year's Lollapalooza...
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| The Lolla Crew + The Beard = Three Days of Magic. Also I think there is a correlation between how cool Annika's hair is to how large my glasses get. |
Best Stage: Pepsi
We referred to this stage all weekend as The Grove (last year's name). A couple years ago this stage was called Google+. Next year I'm sure we'll be heading to the iHeartRadio stage so Lollapalooza can keep up the trend of blending irrelevant marketing with up-and-coming artists. The only horrible band we saw at
Pepsi The Grove this year was Lion Babe, but I think that's mostly our fault for giving a "band" named Lion Babe a try. I really enjoyed seeing Zella Day and FKA Twigs here this year.
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| If you mix Pennsatucky from Orange is The New Black with Lykke Li you would get Zella Day. |
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| Lion Babe was all-hair and no-talent. |
Best Day: Friday
When the Porta Potties still have toilet paper and Paul McCartney closes you know it's going to be the best day. Other highlights were Father John Misty, Alabama Shakes, and Gary Clark Jr.
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| Finally got to see Alabama Shakes and they were amazing. We got rained out of their 2012 performance. |
Best Throwback: Metallic
I refuse to call McCartney a throwback because in my heart The Beatles never left. Bryan had been listening to Metallic months in preparation for their Saturday set. In turn, I prepared my most metal faces. For not knowing 99 percent of their music, I had a really fun time. The jumbo screens looked awesome and gave us a great view not only of the band but the sign language interpreter, who was signing so intensely I forgot that Metallic was even playing.
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| The screens were awesome! |
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| I'm so intimated by us. |
Best Closer: Paul McCartney
I've read a few different lists of "Things You'll Regret When You're Old" and they almost always include "missing the chance to see your favorite musicians." I consider myself extremely lucky to have seen nearly every musician that I love play a live show. That's the thought that was running through my head as Paul McCartney walked on stage. I remember listening to Beatles songs as a kid in my Dad's car as he drove me to school. In college I have the best memories listening to The Beatles as I drove back and forth between Peoria and my Washington apartment. While seeing McCartney isn't exactly the same thing as seeing The Beatles I realize that it's as close as I'll ever get, and it was pretty darn amazing.
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| I was probably already tearing up at this point. |
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| Surprise guest, Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes joins Paul on stage!! |
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| What makes a Wing's song better? Fireworks. The answer is always, fireworks. |
Best Food: Cheese fries
I was super disappointed by the food and drink this year. Once again, no mustard catfish. The Farmer's Market was pathetic with no River Valley Kitchen (goodbye, mushroom nachos). Robert Mondavi was the wine sponsor and offered no free swag at the wine tent. Our relaxing oasis from last year turned into a corporate snooze. The lobster corndog was as good as it's always been, but this was the year of the cheese fry.
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| Our smiles say, "This isn't Thorny Rose's riesling." |
Worst Stage: Sprint
You know that part in Harry Potter 4 when the Weasley twins are trying to put their name into the Goblet of Fire, but they get kicked out from Dumbledore's aging line? That's what it's like going anywhere near Perry's. Every time we walked past I could feel a long white beard start to grow out my chin as I hunched over my walker, the tennis ball feet catching on crushed Bud Light cans. Perry's is the true Kidzapalooza. The worst part of Perry's? It ruins the Sprint stage. It's almost impossible to ignore the constant bass from Perry's while you're trying to hear anything at Sprint.
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| There's the Sprint stage over there in the corner. Where it belongs. |
Worst Day: Sunday
Is Sunday always the worst day? Is that like a kid at summer camp complaining that the last day is the worst because you have to go home tomorrow? I'm not sure. I've never been to summer camp, but I did religiously watch
Salute Your Shorts as a kid so I'm pretty sure I got the gist. And going back to work? Totally worse than going back home. Just saying, eight-year-old Allison. I'm getting off topic. Here's why Sunday was the worst day this year - the evacuation and the pain of re-entering the festival. A few years ago we were evacuated from the festival because of storms. We made our way to Steve's Segway Tour and sat in a garage infested with Forbidden-Forest-sized spiders. This year we had wine and cheese flights at Eno Wine Bar. With age, comes wisdom.
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| Cheese makes everything better. Air conditioned bathrooms do too. |
Worst Act: Holychild
How can I explain the mermaid/cheerleader stripper that was Holychild? Is it our fault for going to see someone who is trying to make '
Brat Pop' a thing? Probably. We sat. We watched. And then I started laughing uncontrollably. We got up to leave after awhile as the mermaid started another song. I looked back, horrified, as I realized that she was trying to sing a No Doubt song. When Gwen Stefani recalls her saddest moment of 2015 it won't be ending her 13-year-long marriage with Gavin Rossdale, but having Holychild sing '
Just a Girl.'
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| Audience looks on, stunned at what they see. "That was one UNholychild!" exclaims one festival-goer, disbelief in his eyes. |
Funniest Quotes:
Literally everything Father John Misty said during his set made me laugh. My favorite was, "I'm depressed. . . then I look out and see the Bud Light sign, and I realize the show must go on. Sorry, you're all on ecstasy anyway, what does it matter?"
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| Other great quotes, ""You guys ready for a f*cking ballad? That's what gets you the 2:30 PM slot. The f*ckin ballads." |
Paul McCartney on the sound bleed from Perry's: "It's a crazy mashup. This song and whatever shit they're playing over there."
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| The sea of people at McCartney's show. |
Elle King while trying to tune: "This shit's going to be out of tune for the entire show, but we're just going to roll with it."
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| Not only was Elle King funny, but there was a guy who was shame-eating an entire pizza like it was a slice of pizza. I gave him a 'I've-been-there-man' nod before looking away. |
The most ridiculous quote all weekend? That would be from my husband. "I want to buy another hat so I can have one beater hat and one nice one." This is the hat that he's apparently going to be wearing ALL the time now.
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| Note: He did not purchase another hat. Since the festival he's worn the hat 0 times and I've brought up this story 17,000 times. |
